A Friend to Wipe His Tears Away
by Calliope Clown
Summary: Amumu continues searching for a friend, but he gets into trouble! He meets LeBlanc, who's willing to be his companion, but not all friends wipe tears with a clean hand!


It was another long, lonely day for Amumu. He'd walked 993 _tombs_ that day! (a _tomb_ being the unit of measurement equal to the length of the catacomb he'd been buried in, calibrated into his memory after centuries of pacing within it). He arrived at a town which had made him _very_ happy—it was nice to have wrappings not wet with tears, for once. He arrived at a fountain, even more ornate than the ones he'd bathed in in Shurima so long ago! He skipped up to the rim with delight, dunked his head in, and started drinking directly from it. How good it felt to be hydrated after not drinking for weeks, wandering around in the Shurima desert! After about a minute of ecstasy, he heard a shout near him.

"Excuse me! Drinking from the water fountain, especially in the state of cleanliness _you're_ in counts as Public Indecency, which falls under Public Statute 3A…" Amumu rubbed the water from his ears, and asked, "Sorry? I didn't hear you!" as he turned around to see the large man behind him.

" _Disrespect of a government official_ falls under Public Statue 3A as well, classified as _Disrupting the Peace._ I advise you to not make any further transgressions against justice, or I'll be forced to use my Crownguard family status—"

"But I'm _thirsty!"_ wailed Amumu, tears welling up at his feet. "I haven't drunk in so _long!_ It's been weeks!"

"I'm going to have to ask you to come with me, sir," responded Garen, coldly, as he produced a rope, bound it to his wrist and to Amumu's, and began to walk poor Amumu to the jail. Amumu grew guilty after a while.

"I'm sorry," he whined to Garen.

"While remorse is the first step towards avoiding recidivism, I'm afraid it doesn't lessen your charges in the eyes of the law," Garen replied, warmer than before. "Don't worry," he added. "Legate Kayle is just in her sentencing," as he patted Amumu on the head.

The two of them arrived at the courthouse, and the trial began.

"You have been found guilty on all charges," she stated. "I sentence you to however long it takes for you to be considered having served your time." Garen, also serving as the court marshal, escorted Amumu to the penitentiary.

After arriving in his cell, Amumu noticed a bucket in the corner, filled with water. He jumped for joy, when a voice brightly asked, "Excuse me?" from behind him.

He turned around to see Luxanne Crownguard behind him, in his cell, holding a clipboard and a pen.

"The Crownguard family only needs one more vote from this disctrict to be appointed the official family of foreign magisterial affairs," she said, "and I have the authority to pardon you, given that the Crownguard family is also the official family of law enforcement- public reform Affairs. I just need you to sign here," she said, pointing to the document and handing him the pen. "I'd think you've lots of reason to get out of here, anyhow, given the _conditions_ present," she added, kicking down the bucket of water so that it all flowed down a grate on the cell floor.

Amumu felt his heart drop at his drink being spilled, but he was sure it was an accident. Besides, he wanted to spend more time looking for a friend. This girl seemed pretty nice, since she talked to him. He signed his name as Lux gave him a kiss on the head, "Thank you for your cooperation!" she added, as she unlocked his cell and led him out.

"W-will you be my friend?" he asked her?

"Sorry! I've got things to do and places to be. Maybe you could get back to me in about a week?" she replied, a bit more disingenuous than before.

"Okay," replied Amumu, but he wasn't sure how he'd find her. He left the city, making sure to avoid water or anyone who looked important, since he was afraid he'd get in trouble again. After a while, he realize he'd been walking in a dry meadow for quite some time and he was quite thirsty, but most of all, lonely. He came to a river.

Presently (right?), he heard a deep voice rise from it. "Wipe those tears from your eyes, boy. I know you thirst for friendship. I can take you to someone who will quench that desire forever. He opened his eyes and saw Tahm Kench treading water in the river below him. The current didn't seem to affect him. "Let me take you" He opened his mouth wide and gestured for Amumu to get in. Amumu got in. It was rather nice inside Tahm's belly, he thought. Nice and moist, plus Tahm was telling him all about the new friend to which he was taking Amumu. He couldn't help but shed tears of joy as he thought of how he'd finally be able to enjoy a companion.

Tahm let him off near Noxus. "Thanks for the ride!" shouted Amumu. LeBlanc arrived behind him and put her hand on his head as he stood waist-high next to her. "How should I repay you?" he asked the River King.

"Your payment will come in time," replied Tahm Kench. "Just wait." He heard him mutter something about "feasting on the deluge of misery" as he descended back into the deeps. Leblanc put a sort of leash around Amumu's wrist and bade him "come with me."

They arrived at LeBlanc's adjunct in the main stronghold. She untied her leash, motioned for Amumu to sit down, and pulled up a chair next to him. She put her hand on his shoulder, leaned in very close to him, gazed into his yellow eyes, and asked him, "Looking for a friend?"

Amumu hadn't had a friend in his whole life—everyone he'd asked, for some reason, wasn't able to be with him, but now, not only was he with a friend, but _he'd_ been the one who was asked! He began hopping around Leblanc's habitation in jubilation. He grew out of breath after about 20 seconds of that and sat back down next to Leblanc. "I'm so _glad_ to finally have a friend! I've _never_ had a friend before!" he shouted at her.

"We're going to do _so much_ together, Amumu!" she told him, pressing her cheek against his temple, wrapping her arm around him, his chest shriveled enough to where her arm easily reached around his entire trunk. "But for now, you've got to get some shut-eye, all right? Friends shouldalways stay rested for their friends, after all."

LeBlanc waited until he fell asleep, locked the door to the makeshift bedroom, and left. She approached the river near Noxus, where Tahm Kench appeared after a moment.

"He's soon to be yours," she told him.

"Our feast shall be mutual," he replied, with a devilish grin.

Amumu woke up that morning delighted to see a bundle of _fresh, white, wrappings_ from LeBlanc! He leapt out of bed and picked up the note written next to them:

 _Got these from the arcanery. Thought you'd appreciate them._

 _-Your Friend_

He gleefully pulled off his moldy, green wrappings and replaced them with the fresh white ones. He'd forgotten what it was like to not itch all the time!

"How wonderful it is to have a friend, one who takes care of me!" he cried. He walked outside of the bedroom, where LeBlanc had made breakfast for him. An enormousbreakfast! He saw LeBlanc sitting at the table, with a seat next to hers where she patted it to come sit and eat. Piles and piles of meat and buttered toast were piled on the table.

"Friends _always_ make sure friends are well-fed," she told him, brightly. She grabbed a piece of buttered toast, slapped a slab of barely-cooked chicken on it, and handed it to Amumu. "Now, eat up!" He ate it, happy to have a friend who cared as much about his appetite (not much of one) as she did his company. She handed him another. He downed it. "It's good!" he remarked, wanting to please his friend, who, no doubt, went to great ends to make this meal. She handed him yet another piece, beaming at him, and he ate that, more slowly than before, since he'd already had two large slices. She handed him another, grabbed a butter dish, slabbed another layer of butter on top of the chicken, and as it started to drip down she handed it to him, and he ate it. After four slices of buttery, greasy, toast with chopped chicken on top, the mummy was full, so he asked if he please may be excused and if she had eaten, so that they may have a stroll around Noxus, as he had never seen it before.

"Oh, but you must be _starving_ after walking all that way! Besides, you'd break my heart if this meal I've worked hard to make were to be wasted!" Amumu shed a tear at the thought of his friend's heart being broken- that sounded painful, he didn't want that to happen to her! So he ate another piece, and another, and another, each piece being consumed more slowly than the one before it. After so many pieces, his tummy hurt so much he started tearing up again. "I'm so full!" he chirped through a mouthful of toast, trying to sound pleased with the meal his friend made for him. She giggled, and replied with a bit of a darker tone, "I'm glad you like it." She got him a glass of water to help wash it all down.

After a while, his stomach was rumbling so hard it hurt, and his jaw was cracking with each chew from so much repetitive movement. "I'm even fuller than I was before, friend, and I was wondering if I could run some errands for you, if you'd like, since you've done so much for me and so I can help my indigestion." His friend tried to blow her nose for a bit, but then started crying from his rudeness! How awful he had been to say such a thing, he thought!

"I spent so much time preparing this for you, and now you want to leave me! Are you saying you're not my friend anymore?" she sniffled, and blew her nose on the gold tissue she had.

Amumu was so devastated that his friend was crying, that he started crying, too. He was so determined to make her stop he ate at triple the rate he'd been eating at before, before the pain became unbearable, and he started crying yet again. His friend seemed to enjoy this, and stopped crying herself, then wiped his tears, and licked them off her fingers, which Amumu found strange. After a while, he ate so much he tipped out of the seat.

LeBlanc picked him up, put him back in the seat, and sat on him, his bulging tummy pushing against hers in a most peculiar way. "I'm not going to let you move till you finish all of this. If you don't eat all of this, you'll get sick from malnutrition, and I'd surely die if I knew I was responsible for my friend's failing health." Amumu wailed- he didn't want his friend to die! He finished the table and fell asleep.

LeBlanc got off of him and carried him to the river outside Noxus, where the River King was waiting.

"My feast arrives!" She tossed the sleeping Amumu into the River King's mouth, whereupon he tossed her a black gem, which she grabbed with hungry earnest. He plunged into the deep.

Amumu woke up in the familiar belly. "What am I doing here?" he thought. "Where did my friend go?"

"All will come in time, boy," said Tahm. "Now, might as well get to know each other- you're going to be here a while."


End file.
